Justin's 2016 top 10

2016 was a crazy year, here’s some areas where we really excelled. Number 7 will blow your mind.

1.    Racial Relations

In an effort to respond to the concerns raised by the Black Lives Matter movement, we came up with Blue Lives Matter and All Lives Matter. Nothing more potentially effective was attempted.

2.    Priorities

While not getting riled up en masse about the systemic racism that led to the BLM movement, we made it clear where we draw the line when we lost our minds over a football player kneeling during the national anthem. Disproportional targeting of minorities: meh. Not saluting a piece of cloth before a football game: might as well spit on Jesus’s empty grave.

3.    Political Discourse

Being pushed to the brink of the “lesser of two evils” proposition, 90% of political discussions included the enlightened exchange: “Well they will be better than your guy”, “Nuh-uh.” While no one even attempted to pretend to actually like who they were voting for.

4.    Lengthening Seasons

Not Summer or Fall or even the new TV content season. No, by unpopular demand we managed to extend the election season. Six months into the primaries, I heard it announced that it was the eight year anniversary of Obama announcing his candidacy. I think we can agree, longer is not always better.

5.    Selection

The one advantage of that long process was the ability to shuffle though the 236 potential Republican nominees. Seriously, with one woman and all those men, it was the like the opening to the worst season of The Bachelorette ever. And from what I know of that show, that’s bad.

6.    World Peace

Although it doesn’t seem like our continued efforts in the Middle East are actually helping, we’re not giving up. It’s not who we are. No matter how many times our plotting only makes things worse, we’re still trying, peace is worth it. Bonus this year: our work in Syria has potentially reignited the Cold War with Russia.

7.    Free at last (still)

Somehow, no matter how long Facebook has been planning to go to a pay system, we made it through another year without paying likely because of solid efforts in the copy and paste community.

8.    Statistics

Our statistical prowess has come so far that no matter what you believe, you can skew the numbers to support it. Thanks to Wikipedia “facts” and a little Photoshop meme making magic, you can be fully confident that you’re right.

9.    Award

Awards shows will have to increase the number of prizes “awarded in an earlier ceremony” to make room for the in memoriam sections after Fate was inspired by George R. R. Martin in 2016. On the upside, Betty White made it through.

10. Toasting

On a personal note, after using the opening lines of Counting Crows A Long December for years as my annual New Year’s toast, I have finally moved on as I no longer “have reason to believe that this year will be better than the last.”