Justin - Song

About the writing

When I picked the topic of “a song you love” I had just picked up a copy of Natalie Merchant’s Paradise is There from the library. That album is a recording of new arrangements of the songs from her debut album Tigerlily an album that I love. I chose The Letter from that album (thinking of the earlier version, not the newer) because it is short and poignant. It is simple and beautiful. The short letter that I end this assignment with is longer than the song.

The difficulty I had is that my natural tendency is to detach from the subject and evaluate dispassionately. This song would not let me do that. I started this no less than four times trying to find the right tone. What I finished with is some blend of detached evaluation and personal introspection. After compromising on tone, I wrote everything that I thought I needed to and had more than 800 words for a 500 word essay. Editing was able to reduce it to just under 600, still longer than I had hoped for. Honestly, I think a full exploration of the subject of the song could go considerably longer, but would not be in the spirit of the project.

In order to add context for those unfamiliar with the song, here is a link to a video and the lyrics:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl_mpyuzEh8

If I ever write this letter
The pages I could write
But I don't know where to send it
You have vanished
Heaven knows where you live
Heaven only knows

If I ever write this letter
Bitter words it would contain
Just an unrequited lover
Wishing she had never
Spoken your name
Had never known your name

But if I write this letter
The truth it would reveal
Knowing you brought me pleasure
How often I'll treasure
Moments that we knew
The precious and the few

The Letter

The Letter by Natalie Merchant is a song about longing for closure. Written in three short verses each starting with the words “if I ever write this letter,” it walks through sadness, anger, and finally a bittersweet gratitude of sorts. Having been through a couple of breakups, I relate to the song on some levels, but think that the same feelings apply to any ended relationship, romantic or other, and the desire for one last conversation or a postmortem “this is what you were to me.” I honestly don’t know if closure ever happens outside of movies and literature; most relationships end awkward and messy, but the idea of exorcising the demons left in the wake of that mess is appealing, even if unrealistic.

This song has some great, subtle aspects. After claiming the ability to write pages, she wraps the song in less than one hundred words, around two minutes. It seems like just when the bridge should start the song ends leaving the feeling that it is unresolved and the listener longing for the closure just as she is. The arc of the three verses is also wonderful. First verse presenting the problem, second indicating anger and bitterness and the third ending with the mournful promise that she will treasure the precious few moments that they had shared. The arrangement is just her voice and a piano lending a feeling of intimacy as if she is talking directly to the subject.

What she got wrong is, although she has the recognition of both good and bad, it doesn’t appear to have the recognition of two active people in the relationship. She seems acted upon instead of participating. This could have to do with the nearness of the end of the relationship; it takes much more time to recognize personal responsibility for one’s portion of a messy ending than to see the other person’s flaws. It was not an issue I noticed until writing this piece and contemplating what I would write in such a letter.

Through time, there have been some people whom I wish I could say those final things to. I’m sure there have been some that wish they could give me their relational postmortem thoughts. In thinking about it, I am fairly certain that closure rarely comes and at a point where one is truly seeking it instead of a fight, it is likely that the two people that broke up no longer exist. Also, if one truly thought that the writing of a letter would help, unlike Natalie in 1995, most of us can’t use the excuse of not knowing where to send it. If I were to ever write such a letter, I think it would be like this:

Dear ______,

We have not spoken in quite some time, but there are some things I wanted to tell you. I know that I was not always good to you and I am sorry for the ways that I disappointed and hurt you. I wanted you to know that I am thankful for the time that we had, that I do not hold anything against you for how it ended and am always hopeful to hear that you are doing well and are happy. Although I do not love you as I once did, I do love you. I am a better person for having known you and am blessed to have had you in my life. I know we will likely never be close or even friendly again, but I want you to know I am cheering for you from a distance.