Jason - Trivial

Col. Jessup's Battle at Home

You can't handle the tube! Son, we live in a world that has rules. And those rules have to be guarded by men with a solid sense of order. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Squeeze the Middle? I have a greater understanding than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the Colgate pump and you curse the thought of baking soda. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Colgate pump, while efficient, destroys the order of things. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, restores that order...You don't want the tube. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me enforcing those rules. You need me to bring order. 
I use words like squeeze, from, bottom...I use these words as the backbone to a life spent dispensing perfection. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a boy who brushes and flosses under the blanket of the very order I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up that tube and fix it.