Not my guest - Justin

Host:

Not my guest! Not my guest! Putting patience to the test.

Tie this rope around your neck, you fool, and I will do the rest

Drinks you spill, apps you horde

All your stories make us bored

Do please go home

Hostess:

Be judicious

Host:

Overruled now by the missus

You can’t sing. You can’t dance.

If an ally, you’d be France

Stop your staring at my neighbor’s daughter’s breasts

Go on, now take a glass

Then take a walk, you ass.

You’re not my guest!

Not my Guest!

NOT MY GUEST!

Host and party guests:

At charades, he can’t play

How we wish he wouldn’t stay

Host:

We’ll survive and persevere

With help from this cabernet

You lack class; you lack cheer

              You bring down the atmosphere

              While I hate to be complaining

               Nothing ‘bout you’s entertaining

              Not your jokes, not your tricks

               I’d smack you with a candlestick

Party Guests:

                A quick departure now would be your safest bet

                Let us refill our glass, and the knob hit your ass

                You’re not his guest

Host:

                Now I’m stressed

                It’s your leaving I suggest

Party Guests

                Not his guest! Not his guest! Not his guest!

Host:

                Your presence is unnerving

                Now it comes to dinner’s serving

                And we find an extra chair to sit upon

                Ah, those good old days when we enjoyed you

                Ah, but now those good old days are gone

                Ten years we’ve tolerated

                While your comeback we’ve awaited

                Hoping that you might regain some charm

                Most times we manage to ignore you

                But without invitation

                You walked in to our damnation

Hostess:

                Not a guest? Not a guest?

                Just an uninvited guest!

                Wine’s been poured and thank the Lord

                For he’s sure to be a test

                For dessert, we’ll have pie

                And with careful hand and eye

                I can squeeze another slice out

                If this vagrant doesn’t check out

                The chit-chat grows so cold

                Heaven’s sakes that joke was old

                Change the subject before everyone’s depressed

Party Guests:

                How much can we take?

Hostess:

                Wish we could catch a break

                From this our guest

Party Guests:

                Not your guest

Hostess:

                Yes my guest

Party Guests:

                Not his guest

                Not our guest! Not our guest!

                By your absence we’d be blessed

                We were fine before you brought your raincloud here

                You awful pest

                You’ve had food, you’ve had drink

                Now we wish away you’d slink

                While the candlelight’s still glowing

                Let us help you in your going

                Step by step, to the door

                Say “goodnight” you dreadful bore

                No more talk why can’t you give it all a rest?

                Please cease your mindless chatter

                You’ve made our nerves a tatter

                Not his guest!

                Not her guest!

                Not our guest!

                Please, leave you pest!