My Dearest Love,
I
know that I too long have been absent from your arms as I struggle to recall
the image of your countenance in the daylight, your hair aglow, radiant as the
last pink rays of a desert sunset. My oasis waiting to comfort and restore me
after too long a sojourn through the wasteland that is the entirety of my world
without you. I do not despair that I shall not return to your waiting arms but
that by absence and warfare I might no longer be able to recognize the loving
embrace from which this current battle has pulled me or that I may no longer
find comfort in the peace.
When
I had first set out on this mission, I had the full belief that, with the aid
of faithful men and Providence, I would soon return to you. As winter melts to
spring so also does thaw the resolve of those faithful men whose diligence I
had relied on to see these efforts to fruition and I find myself battling alone
towards victory in this noble cause. It is a difficulty as the slow work of
siege pulls a force towards the walls of the enemy like Luna pulling at the sea,
to maintain perspective that we are sieging force and not the besieged. Even
from without, one feels the enveloping ramparts of stone and the entrapping feel
entrapped. This is what I try to tell myself about the efforts of those around
me as the abhorrent alternative is that they are actively working against the
cause to which they have pledged themselves; the cause that only in completion
will unbind me and allow that I return to you.
I
imagine that not seeing the nearing end, the passion of these men has faltered
and so their efforts lack the full measure of devotion they once had to bring this
endeavor to its terminus. Regardless of why they may now so slovenly attend
their duty, their efforts or lack thereof requires that, whether lackadaisical
in despair or truly of malicious intent, I must regard them as the enemy. How
else may I view those whose dark labor contrives to longer keep us apart? I do
in my heart try to extend to them that it is despair and weariness, not malice,
that pits them against me, but this thought is kept only so that I may find
peace when these trials are abate and that I may retain some hope to again work
in fraternal bonds with these men once the present battle has ceased. I admit
though to you, my only truly faithful one, that my confidence in this mindset
is not borne in fortitude. I fear I may henceforth always regard these around
me with suspicion and unease. Time may assuage this animosity if Cronos ever
releases me from the constant sifting of his horrible hourglass but presently, I
cannot allow my efforts to be stagnated in trying to win these back to the side
of angels. But these my former partners, my brothers-in-arms, for this present
work, they must be counted as loss.
I
hope these thoughts do not make me cold in your eyes but I willingly risk the
bite of frost in order to find myself again in the warmth of your presence and
any who may place an obstacle to that end act as an enemy of love and must be
thusly treated. Justice requires not that I give them comfort nor prudence that
I should give them mercy. All efforts must focus on completing the job so that
I may, unencumbered return to you again.
There can be no
other cause. There can be no greater motivation. None but you my love.
I return now to
my labor, that I may earn the right to find rest with you again.
With all love and affection,
Justin
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