Villain - Jason

On the assignment:

This week the assignment was to write a monologue on or from our favorite Villain.  I pretty quickly settled on Darth Vader, in my opinion one of the best characters from the Star Wars franchise, but also a character you could really sink your teeth into.  I originally thought about writing a serious piece, one that adds depth beyond what we see on screen.  In the end I decided that it would be more enjoyable to play wth the ideas of a monologue from a Villain and tweak some of the more laughable things in the material.  How would Darth Vader deal with a historian who might ask frustrating questions, if he did not opt to kill.

Legacy

Before we begin, I want to remind you that I only agreed to do this little interview so I could set my somewhat tarnished record straight and that I will not be accepting any of your leading questions.  I would prefer to avoid another "Naboo Hoo" incident.  I assure you that was a simple malfunction of my respirator, nothing more.  You should also know that the best lawyers in the empire are seeking damages for both it and the "Noooooo!!!" ringtones, which seem to be all the rage with the rebels these days.

As you look at me, Darth Vader, as a historic figure, you should see me not through the simple lens some have painted me, as the "Dork Lord" or "Failure in Black".  Instead, you should see me as a standout success, one who defeated all the odds stacked against him, one who despite all the bad circumstances has achieved so much.  I was born into slavery, became separated from my family, betrayed by my friends and let down by those who should be supporting me.  Even those that I was called to serve, now that I look back, seem so mad it is a wonder I was able to accomplish anything.  The difficulties were as vast as the Alderaan asteroid field.

Let me take you back to the Hutthole planet of Tatooine.  Where the sand was so.... 

(Garbled speech)

No, it was not like Luke.  It was nothing like Luke.  I was nothing like Luke.  Damn that colossal disappointment of a son of mine, always stepping on my story.  Why in the name of the Empire, do you guys like him so much?  Let's do a quick comparison, shall we?  Yes, we both spent our childhoods on the same planet.  So help me, if you ask why I didn't look there first, I will force choke each and every one of you.  As I have said before, many times, I didn't even know he existed and the galaxy is a big place.  Anyway, same planet, check.  That, though, is where the similarities end.  At nine I was building droids and flying pod racers and generally working to earn my freedom.  Luke, on the other hand, had his freedom and whined when he thought he was going to have to work at the family farm for another year.  I mean, you are going to complain about the simple and relaxing work of a moisture farmer.  Oh, the struggles of having to buy the next droid you are going to use and abuse.  Boo fricken Hoo! Guess what, I built one of those droids when I was half his age.  As a teen I had earned my freedom and began courting my wife, do you know who Luke was courting when he finally left Tatooine?  His sister!  That's right, this "Villain" is an interplanetary Mack daddy, while your Golden Boy is looking to his own twin for a little happy, fun time.  Don't make that face, just keep writing.

In addition to my family disappointment, I don't think it should go unnoticed that those closest to me have also caused me no shortage of trouble.  The Jedi... Can we talk about their code for just a second?  There is no emotion, there is peace?  What reality is that?  There is no chaos, there is harmony?  With who?  The Jedi have been fighting there way to harmony forever.  I am going to peacefully and with harmony use my lightsaber on you! That is the kind of crap only the council can shovel.  This is what they tried to train me and took issue when I couldn't take it.  What did these peace mongers do?  Well, they sent my master to kill me, used my wife to track me down and who offered to save her?  Not the Jedi, nope! Instead, it was a long time friend, who I had recently discovered was a Sith.   Yes, ultimately it turned out he too was a little mad, a little power hungry, but did that destroy me?  Did all the disappointments and madness swallow me whole? No.  Cause I am Vader.

Just as my body needed to be rebuilt from the treachery of Kenobi, my life would be rebuilt from all the disastrous events.  While the imperial officers sometimes treated me like the emperor's lap dog, I did rise to second in command.  I drove the execution of the greatest space station in the known galaxy.  It was magnificent!  A shining globe of awesome.  I wasn't the engineer.  How was I to know about the small design defect?  How was I to know that that defect could so easily be smuggled into the hands of a few obsessed rebels?  

Some blamed me.  Some thought we should invest more heavily into a few more Star Destroyers.  But it is the poor leader who can not learn from his mistakes.  That is exactly what I did.  I would build new from the ashes of the Death Star, leverage everything we had learned.  I would not be let down.  I refused to give into the superstitious lot when they suggested I should change the name of the second version.  Death Star II, was perfect, I thought, a name that stands on the legacy that came before.  One that speaks to my legacy.  Let's be honest that Star Killer petition was ridiculous.  This station, my Death Star II, would not be taken down by a single ship. It would stand the supreme jewel of the Empire.

I am sorry, what is that?  Did you say the shield generator?  With the help of a few Ewoks?

Kill me now!  Just kill me now!